Poison in the Heart

Transcript

Week 3 of the series D.I.R.T.Y. Transcribed from the service recording and lightly edited for readability.

Welcome: Week Three of D.I.R.T.Y.

We're in this series called D.I.R.T.Y., and the reason it's called D.I.R.T.Y. is because we want to confront the sins that pollute our character and cloud our witness. The first Sunday we talked about deception: living a lie. The lie has to be exposed, because once you expose the lie, you can deal with it and begin to change for the better. Last week we talked about insecurity.

Insecurity and Living Big

Now, y'all know I'm a Douglas. I'm full of confidence. But I still deal with insecurities. And this is what I discovered for myself: if you're not dealing with any insecurity, that might mean you're not trusting God for big things. Because when God throws something big in your face, you're like, "Nah, not me. I can't do that. You picked the wrong one."

So if you really don't have any insecurity, the question is: are you living big? If you're not, there's more in you that God wants to get out of you. But the cool thing is that in the midst of our insecurities, we discover there is a true and living God.

This Week: Resentment

This week we're at resentment. And this one was tough for me. "I'm good. I don't resent anything." But the more I delved into it, the more God uncovered things I didn't want Him to uncover. But that's what this is all about: confronting the sins that pollute our character and cloud our witness. And to be honest, I've got to keep telling the truth and shaming the devil.

I Didn't Want to Preach This One

I really didn't want to do this message. I've got my small stool out, because I'm going to try to stay in pocket and walk through this so we can get somewhere. But when I walked into the sanctuary this morning, I lost it. I couldn't keep it together.

God Answers Prayers

When God answers prayers, God answers prayers. A few weeks ago I told y'all I was going through some things and couldn't be excited about what I should have been excited about. Let me share this before I get into the message, because I've got to clear some room.

My boss had been telling me for a month that I was getting a promotion in March. Then he called and said our CTO told him, "Bump it up. Do it now." After he went through all the paperwork and HR, he said, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is they approved your promotion. The bad news is it won't happen until January." I can live with that.

Then about a week ago, I got a call from my mom letting me know I had some mailbox money. I thought it would be a little bit of money, and it was enough to pay off one of my credit cards completely. I told you: God said we're going to be a lender and not a borrower.

I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't think any of it was coming. I'm still hustling, trying to work my way out of debt. I was out of work for a year. I'm trying to make it happen, but I'm also slowing down to make sure I do what God wants me to do before I do what I want to do.

And the reason I lost it when I walked into the sanctuary is that my best friend is right there, and not just him, his whole family. It's encouraging when you call things into being.

"Vice President"

I'm going to share one more thing, because God is saying I've got to share stuff. I don't like to, because I think some crazy stuff, and sometimes I don't know what it means.

The other day in my quiet time, God said, "Vice president." I said, "What?" He didn't respond. So I'm thinking, "But God, that ain't president. Why can't I be the president of my company? I've got to be vice president of somebody else's company? I've got to sit next to somebody?" That's all the stuff going through my mind. I'm telling you how crazy this is.

Okay, fine: vice president. I don't know what that means. I don't know how it's going to happen or what's going to happen. It's just there. All I have to do is receive whatever He's given me. It might not mean anything. But that's where I am, and when God shows me things, I just have to go with it.

Resentment Is Poison in Our Heart

So with all that said: resentment. Resentment is poison in our heart.

Ephesians 4:26–27 and Hebrews 12:15

Ephesians 4:26–27. I'm reading from the New American Standard, so it might be a little different from yours:

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.

Then Hebrews 12:15 says:

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.

Hmm. Bitterness.

The Quiet Sins

Alright, I'm going to stay in pocket and stick to my notes, because there's some good stuff in here.

We often think sin shows up as scandalous headlines, front-page failures, and obvious immorality. But some of the most toxic sins are the quiet ones, the ones we don't confess because we barely even name them. Resentment is one of those sins. It hides in the cracks of your smile. It lingers in your "I'm fine" when you're not. It poisons your prayers and stiffens your hugs. And eventually it hardens your heart until you don't even notice you've stopped caring.

Resentment doesn't yell. It whispers. It whispers that you're right to hold on to that grudge, that you deserve better, that forgiveness is weakness, that distance is protection. But here's the truth: resentment is not protecting your heart. It's infecting it. It's the slow drip of bitterness welling up in your soul, and every time you draw from that well, in your marriage, your friendships, your worship, what comes out is tainted.

Today we're not just going to talk about forgiveness. We're going to confront the root, the rot, the internal decay that keeps us stuck in cycles of offense, defense, and silence, because we cannot walk in freedom with a heart full of hidden chains.

The Vinegar Water

Come here for a second. Let me give you a fresh bottle. Nice little water here. Taste it. That's alright? Tastes like water, pretty good. Okay. Now this one, don't taste it. Just smell it. You want to drink that? Why not? It doesn't smell right. Go walk around and let some people smell it.

What I poured into that water was vinegar. It still looks good, doesn't it? But you can't drink it, because it's bitter. If you drink it, everything you taste is bitterness. It looks just like normal. It's "I'm fine." Because we all look fine. We look like we don't have any problems, no drama going on. But I know everybody has something they're going through. And we like to compare, and that's where the small taste of bitterness seeps in.

A Grudge Starts With One Offense

A grudge can start with just one offensive moment. Y'all know how it is. You're on the way to work and somebody cuts you off in traffic. You're mad. You're hot. You're steaming, you're fuming. That person doesn't know you. It isn't personal. They didn't do it on purpose. But now your day is ruined over that one offense.

Bitterness grows when you don't deal with the pain. And this is my stuck point, because I'm telling the truth and shaming the devil: I stuff it down. Why? "It ain't that big of a deal. I know they didn't mean to." So I stuff it down.

But sometimes you have to deal with the pain, and sometimes dealing with the pain simply means saying, "That hurt. That offended me." A lot of times we don't even say it. We don't ask, "Why did that hurt me? Why did that bother me? Why am I getting so upset over this little thing?" Because nine times out of ten, that one action isn't the real reason you're upset.

What Stays Buried Multiplies

What stays buried doesn't die. It multiplies.

We like that idea when it comes with blessings: pressed down, shaken together, running over. You plant that seed and expect awesome fruit. You expect the tree to grow, apples to fall, and now you've got an orchard from one seed. But if you plant bad seeds, bitterness, envy, anger, what's going to grow? Bitterness, envy, and anger. We like a positive harvest, but if all we're planting is negative things, we're going to get a negative harvest.

Resentment Gives the Enemy Room

Resentment gives the enemy room to operate. Anger isn't sin, but holding on to it becomes sin.

Be Angry and Sin Not

That scripture is crazy, because it actually says to be angry. Did I read it wrong? It says, "Be angry." There's nothing wrong with anger. It means you're a normal human with emotions and feelings. Jesus was angry when He went in and overturned the tables in the temple. But it says, "Sin not."

What does that mean? It means that just because I'm angry and upset, I can't go around treating people any kind of way. I still have to love them. I still have to care for them. I still have to do what God is calling me to do. But the longer you hold on to it, the more you give the devil a foothold.

"I ain't going to forgive them. They know what they did to me. I'm waiting for them to apologize, and until they do, they're going to get the business. Matter of fact, I'm so mad, next time I see them, it's on sight."

It Blocks Our View of God

All of that is just churning in your soul, and what we have to realize is that it's blocking our view of God. It's blocking our relationship with God, because at the end of the day, the person we're mad at is a child of God. We're all in this relationship together.

Last week we had a marriage class, and our theme was "till death do us part." That means we're locking in. We ain't going anywhere. If we're locked into this relationship until the end of our days, we've got to do what it takes to make it work, or agree to be miserable for the rest of our lives. That sounds stupid to me, so we're going to figure out how to make it work.

And as brothers and sisters in Christ, as children of God, we've got other siblings outside this family too, some "side babies," but they're still Daddy's kids. Are you locked into loving them?

Because this is what we have to realize: whatever offenses we forgive and let go, our inheritance is still our inheritance. What God has for you is for you. But if you want to live joyfully through this life, you've got to let some stuff go.

I could drink this vinegar water all day long. Who's tasting it? Wayne, we love you. You ain't going to be mad at me for drinking this water all day long? Matter of fact, pour it out so I don't drink it by mistake.

The only person we're hurting when we hold on to resentment and bitterness is ourselves.

A Bitter Spirit Breeds Spiritual Defeat

A bitter spirit becomes a breeding ground for spiritual defeat. We want to live victorious. We keep saying we're going to live a victorious life. But some of these small things are keeping us from living it.

Resentment Damages Our Worship

Resentment also damages our witness and our worship. You can't worship freely when your heart is full of offense. Even in scripture, Jesus says that if you get to the altar and remember there's something between you and your brother, go fix it first, and then come back and worship.

That was a big deal, because in that day worship was a big deal. Remember the story of the Good Samaritan, where the priest moved to the other side of the road? Part of the reason was that he didn't want to be defiled. If he was defiled, he'd have to get clean before he could go to the temple, and he was on his way to the temple. But how often do we come to the temple still defiled?

Married Couples, Settle It First

My married couples, I'm going to help y'all out real quick. Saturday night or Sunday morning, y'all are probably going to get into a fight. Real talk. Y'all can come in with some disagreement, because the devil doesn't want you in church on Sunday morning.

But some of us are in such a rush to get to church on Sunday morning that we don't settle the issue. So be late. I'm giving y'all permission to be late if you've got to work that thing out. Skip a Sunday if you've got to work that thing out. Coming in here mad at each other, trying to worship, isn't going to work.

In church, we've got to stop telling people that coming here is going to make it all better. Not always. Sometimes it's avoidance: you're coming here to avoid what God already told you to do, which is fix the situation.

Resentment Makes It Hard to Love

Resentment makes it hard to love people. It does. You're sitting there thinking, "Man, I want to love you, but I know you lied on me. I'm trying to be nice to you. I'm looking you in the face, and I know you lied on me. I probably should be giving you a hug, but I really want to punch you right now."

A fake hug isn't showing love. Showing love is, "Hey, bro, let me talk to you. Let's put it to the side and have a conversation."

"Sweetheart, when you said this, it made me feel a certain way, and I don't like that."

"That nickname you've got for me is kind of cool, but can you keep it between me and you? Not in front of my friends."

"Mama, I just need fifteen minutes on the game when I get home, and then I'll do my homework. You don't have to come yelling at me every day."

Young people, y'all have issues and problems too, but we can actually talk this out. A lot of times it's, "Mama ain't going to listen, so I ain't going to say nothing," and then under your breath, "I can't stand that woman. She gets on my nerves." And it builds up and builds up. But we have to deal with it, and when we begin to deal with it, it eases the stress and pain we're going through.

God cares just as much about the heart behind the praise as the words you're singing. God cares about all of it, and He wants to get us through the pain and drama we're going through.

How to Avoid Resentment

So how can I avoid resentment? Like I mentioned a minute ago, part of it is processing the pain. Another thing you can do is name it before it festers.

Communicate Directly

Here's one I think all of us need, and I know I've got to do it: communicate directly, not passive-aggressively. Scripture says that if your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault just between the two of you.

Silence is not always spiritual. We always think, "I ain't going to say nothing. I'm going to let it slide." But that's not always spiritual. We have to deal with it. We have to confront it. We have to call it out.

Guard Your Inner Circle

Here's one we don't always think about: guard your inner circle. You have to watch who you're hanging around.

Release the Right to Revenge

And this is my favorite one: release the right to revenge. I'm telling you, I don't play fair. I just go to my Daddy. "Daddy, You've got to deal with this. I don't know how to deal with it, but I know You can fix it. You created me, You created them. I need You to handle that situation." And I promise you, He can always handle it better than you ever could.

A Table Before My Enemies

I love it, because David says in Psalm 23, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies."

My sanctified imagination is different from a lot of people's. I don't think David is gloating because his enemies have to watch him eat good. No, he's genuinely having a peaceful meal with people who once hated him. That's awesome right there. When the people who used to hate you are now on your side, defending you, that's God doing some awesome work.

We've got to learn how to heal, and we can't heal until we truly understand the root of the problem. A lot of our behaviors and actions are just covering up symptoms of what's really there. And what I'm starting to realize is that the issue is more often with us than with other people.

Peace in the Middle of Dysfunction

God puts you in some uncomfortable situations, and you don't like it. "God, I've been praying for peace, and all I feel around me is dysfunction." A lot of times it's because this is a muscle. We're exercising a muscle, and God says you have to be able to have peace when dysfunction is going on. When you can have peace while all hell is breaking loose around you, other people say, "I want some of that." That's how they get drawn to the true and living God.

But we don't want to be uncomfortable. We want to sit in our recliner, kick up our feet, and enjoy this thing called life. That's not how God called Christ chasers to live. If we're chasing Christ, where did His life end? On a cross. And because His life ended on a cross, all of us can have life, and life to the fullest.

We have to start giving up this thing called offense. Stop thinking about everything we supposedly deserve or don't deserve, and really start thinking, "What does God want for me in my life today?" That's it. We don't have to worry about tomorrow or next year. All we have to do is take today and know He has a plan to see us through.

I promise you, God is doing something awesome and amazing in this place. And I can't lie to you: I'm scared. I'm scared to see what He truly has in store for this place and this community, because I know it's bigger than me. God is trying to free us right now. And if we truly allow Him to free us of the things holding us back, He's going to catapult us to a place we can't even imagine.

Sweeping the Dirt

My grandma used to make me go up to the country and sweep the dirt. I never understood it. But that's what we're doing here. We're sweeping the dirt. We're cleaning up the dirt in our lives so that we can truly experience the fullness God has for us.

Flush the Poison

So as I go to my seat: we need to flush the poison, not bottle it. You may feel justified in your resentment. They hurt you. They lied. They walked away. They never said sorry. You've been holding it not because you're evil, but because you're trying to protect yourself. But today God is saying, "Let Me have it." You can't heal what you hide. You can't be filled with grace and hold on to grudges. Bitterness will leave you spiritually dehydrated, unable to love well, trust freely, and worship deeply.

So here's the challenge: flush the poison. Release the offense. Release the replay. Release the person. Not because they deserve it, but because your heart does. It's not weak to forgive. You're not foolish for letting go. You are free, because Jesus paid for your freedom.

Weekly Challenge

Reflect: Who have I not forgiven, out loud and before God?

Act: Take one step this week toward healing or releasing them.

Pray: "Lord, uproot the bitterness in me. Heal what I've hidden. Help me forgive like You forgive."

Closing Prayer

Most gracious and heavenly Father, we come before You today saying thank You. Father God, thank You for all that You've done for us. I pray that You would continue to teach us Your ways, that we may truly know You. Father God, whatever is blocking us from a true, intimate relationship with You, I pray You remove it. Even if it takes turning our lives upside down until we realize we have to let go, do what You have to do, because at the end of the day we need a close, intimate, and personal relationship with You. Father God, I love and praise You for all that You're doing and going to do. It's in the most precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, Your Son and our Savior, that we ask it all. Amen.